Sis, Is it Good or God?

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Dear Sis,
What kind of God peers into the heart and ignores the shadows? Looks right past the things I have placed between us and tries to catch my eye with the beautiful truth? Truth that draws me back to Him. Truth so big and so wide it breaks like the dawn.

And in the warmth of that light, I no longer shelter the shadows. I let them disappear because they no longer have any power or purpose. And I stand face turned toward him, locked in the embrace of his love. It’s the same love that welcomes me back again and again, no matter how many times I let the shadows slip in.

Oh sis, don’t the shadows edge in so quietly, unnoticed? It’s like they tip-toe in when we’re not looking.
If they were evil things we would be on the alert. But, so many times they are good. Good people. Good places. Good choices. Until they become the good things between us and the God thing.
We are tempted to believe the good things don’t need to go. Because after all they are good. How do we determine if the good thing is good enough? Or is it standing in the way of a God thing?

I have asked myself this question so many times I’m sick of my own struggle with it. And every time I ask it, I already know the answer. Because God has given me the Holy Spirit to awaken me to wrong turns. And as much as I would like to deny I see it, there’s no denying the kick in the gut feeling I get when I begin to sense a need for turning.

Sis, have you ever seen the truth you didn’t want to face and just wish you could turn away and ignore the urgent signs he keeps giving you? Oh, how I have stood in that very place. Stood crying, kicking and screaming, because that thing I needed to turn away from was so very good. And I had convinced myself, God wanted to bless me with it.

But Sis, here’s the thing, obedience always requires turning and trusting. Turning away from the good thing, and trusting there is a God thing in the making.

Sis, I’ve learned to count on this, when we lay tired from the crying, kicking and screaming He lays out lovely things that remind us that turning toward his embrace is always the best thing.
He will use every word we read, every song we hear, ever friend’s encouraging words to remind us, he sees us, he hears us, and he knows how hard this living in obedience to his voice really is.

Because this God, this compassionate, forgiving God, peers past the dark places in my heart and still tries to catch my eye with his beautiful truth, I turn toward the light. I have to believe the one who can break forth like the dawn has the power to eclipse all the shadows of goodness that stand in the way of my drawing closer to him.

So Sis, let’s turn. Even when it doesn’t make sense. Even when it isn’t clear why. When you feel this thing standing between you and God, and you want it gone. Choose God over good. He’s looking right past your shadows, trying to catch your eye with the beautiful truth, He’s all you need

Love,

Your Sis in Christ,

Karen

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One Step Forward

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Every beginning carries a little fear. Even when you try to shrug it off and move away quickly, it follows with determination. You have little pep talks with yourself. Positive fragmented sentences. Each word meant to separate you from the heaviness of the unknown.
There lies the factor that is a common denominator in fear. Unknown. How can it have so much power without a name? It creeps in before we even have a reason for giving it power. There is no real explanation of why, how or where.
History has proven fear worthwhile. There is evidence of its value. Other days, other events, other moments gone bad make us sit in this same place, believing history does indeed repeat itself.
What if history had no power? What if we chose to forget? What if we momentarily believed the possibility of a positive outcome? Could we overcome?
If training our minds to take a step in any given direction without apprehension is possible, what could happen? How would it affect our every choice in life?
All moments of hesitation would be erased. Possibilities would quickly become probabilities. Risk replaced by anticipation. Our view would be clear; no amount of trepidation would cloud the vision.
So, can we get there from here?
What does it take? Could it be as simple as taking the first small step?
I saw a movie once that required the hero to take a step into an abyss that had no bridge. He was asked to trust, just take the first step and then the bridge would be clearly seen. Maybe that’s what’s required. The answer to fighting fear in its own arena is to defiantly take just one step.
So here I am today, looking for an option to strengthen my resolve to just keep writing. I long to overcome the fear of another ugly “f” word. Failure.
I may just follow the hero in the story and focus on his triumphal first step.
I won’t look down, ahead, or even behind. I’ll just step out, one day at a time, one word at a time, one sentence at a time. I will leave fear behind with every stroke of the keys.
I realize it’s the first day, the first step and there will come a time when fear creeps in and pulls the words right out from under me. So when that day comes, I will revisit these words and start again. I vow to stop pulling out the history books documenting my epic failures. I will grant myself grace and find words to describe what it feels like to sit in a place of restoration. I will write. Just. One. More. Word. Even if it hurts and it’s ugly and it means nothing to anyone. I will not allow fear to wrestle me into a dark, dead corner stopping my voice, stopping my heart. I was meant to write. I know this without a doubt.
Fear stands in the way of truth. If we don’t feed the monster it will die a natural death. So I take one step forward and leave history where it belongs. It’s a new day.